


Time After Time

by smallchittaphon



Series: Enamoured Moon [10]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Explicit Language, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-12 22:48:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12970071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallchittaphon/pseuds/smallchittaphon
Summary: Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,And think of youCaught up in circles confusion--Is nothing new(or that one jaeil au where they fall into each other again and again)





	Time After Time

**Author's Note:**

> update:181216-- if you've read this last year,, i've completely changed alot of the characters and relationships because i've finally come back to finish this and i wasn't happy with it so

Driving past nothing by trees for two hours is absolutely mind numbingly painful. 

Taeil doesn’t say much to his aunt when he pulls up to her house and fortunately, she doesn’t hover. She doesn’t press him to talk like his mother would as she rambles on about the dinner she’s made for his welcome. Her guest room is more lively than he last remembered, a turquoise accent wall and she positively gushes about having found a niche for decor because from sub-category on pinterest. “It’s really nice.” says Taeil as he unpacks and she positively beams towards him.

Taeil’s always liked his aunt, she was so close in age compared his other uncles. She feels a lot like his older sister, taking off that pressure of being the eldest sibling and he supposes that’s why when everything went to shit, he called her first. She gets up and scrunches her nose, “I’ve gotta go make sure the stir fry doesn’t burn. Make yourself at home, you know where everything is.” 

Taeil finally uncurls from his shell when he shuts the door, letting his shoulders sag. He feels liberated just being here, like he’s starting over and not running away ( _ even if it seems like he is _ ). Although it’s not for forever, it’s still nice. He shoots his mom and Dongyoung a text before jumping on the bed, glancing at the window opened to the backyard and he can see the middle school from beyond the trees, the simmering lake to the left of it and the sun setting. He remembers spending days, weeks here at a time with the rest of his family-- usually for thanksgiving or other holidays and it makes it feel like he’s on a holiday, like he’s a small little kid again.

Taeil knows he needs this and he can only hope more of his friends would understand. 

-

Augusta isn’t like Atlanta.

Atlanta is tall building after tall building, always a tinge of cold running through you when you walk the streets. Taeil’s always liked Atlanta, but then again, he’s a native. He knows how to make his way through the city, loves every little pocket of vibrancy and it feels like he’s where he belongs. He’s always lived right outside the city, Metropolitan Atlanta,  _ but _ not on the richer, nicer side. Brookhaven is expensive and his parents tried it for a year, but Doraville is just quant, perfect. He can see the city skyline when he drives on the main roads, off in the distant all faded blue and it blends into the horizon. If he looks to the east, he can see just the top of Stone Mountain and it’s nice,homey,  makes Atlanta feels small, tangible. Taeil’s liked that about the town, how small it feels despite being so big. There’s so much to do, so much to explore and Taeil feels like he’s done it all and hasn’t at the same time. 

Augusta is basically country. He doesn’t know where exactly August begins and ends but all he knows is his aunt claims to reside in the metropolitan area. It isn’t easy to tell when he’s in downtown or not, there isn’t towering buildings or burst of color. It’s small,  _ feels _ small,  _ looks _ small and Taeil doesn’t like that caged feeling he gets every time he’s here. 

The hottest place to go is the roller rink and the military base just 30 minutes from the second exit. He feels like he never sees actual people despite the heavy traffic and he supposes that’s the only similarity between here and home. “Augusta’s a developing city.” His aunt had told him the first time he visited when she had just moved. Augusta is where you go to retire, where you go to start a family and that’s what scares Taeil. All the spaced out shops that take more than 5 minutes to drive to, no public transport and the vast ranches you pass makes Taeil wonder if he’ll end up here. He doubts his love for Atlanta for a split second before he remembers, Atlanta is home. 

Augusta can be nice. A good getaway but not a permanent stay. His aunt had moved here when his cousin was younger, now he’s off doing who knows what in some university 3 states away. She’s alone up here but never truly alone. She likes her little town with it’s smaller shops, knowing the neighbors and Taeil thinks she fits in, she thrives in Augusta. Whereas Taeil feels caged, she feels like she’s been freed. 

Augusta might not have spaghetti junction but there is an odd charm to it.

-

Taeil had always loved Joohyun, who couldn’t when she was loveable. There’s not a time he could think about where he wasn't in love with her. He had always pinned after her, little freshman Taeil was happy to find out they both played the cello in advance orchestra. Joohyun says she likes Taeil too, when he asks. She greets him in the halls his freshman year and when she graduates, Taeil brings her flowers and a smile while she seems to be more radiant than the setting sun at the stadium. Joohyun leaves him with promises of coming to his graduation but then packs up and leaves him behind. Taeil isn’t wounded, he keeps her in the back of his mind but seeks comfort in Wendy. 

Wendy is his first _ steady _ girlfriend. He takes her out to the park, when he gets his license—“The sky’s the limit.” He tells her and she laughs, his heart flipping in his chest when she does so. 

The summer before junior year is unforgettable. The memories are fond, peach-colored but then Wendy tells him she’s leaving, moving away and he accepts it, knows Wendy was never his to keep and she kisses him breathless at the lake that day. She makes promises of visiting again that he keeps tucked away in a corner of his heart and he sends her off at the end of summer, a piece of his heart and his innocence with her too.

Kun is nothing but pure sexual attraction. They don’t ever truly date and that’s okay with Taeil because he had never considered him a boyfriend. 

The summer before senior year, Taeil is freshly 18, ready to explore and Kun helps. Kun is just a tourist passing and Taeil thinks that’s what helps him ease into things. Kun is experienced, he’s comfortable and he knows what Taeil likes by the end of the summer—that goes hand in hand ultimately with what Taeil wants now. Taeil had wanted to explore himself, be explored and if he has to find that in a temporary friend, then so be it. Summer ends and Kun leaves, one last fuck before he’s gone and Taeil sees his car drive onto the main road and out of town. 

Senior year is spent with Yuta, Sejeong, and Dongyoung, with Johnny also wedging himself in their friend group from time to time before he just stays. They rekindled as they always do after spending summers apart, Yuta flying back to Japan, Johnny’s manager shifts at Chick-Fil-A, Sejeong helping with tutoring programs and Dongyoung working full time at Burlington. They practically live at his house after school when it starts back up and it’s nice to just hang with his friends, no relationships or anything. Taeil grows with them and them with him, he can see them in his life for a long time. They barely make it out of AP testing unscathed when Joohyun comes rolling into town two weeks before graduation. The moment he sees her, every feeling, every thought he’s suppressed comes rushing back. He feels as though a days past instead of three years.

Joohyun looks gorgeous, somehow ever more beautiful and enchanting than he can remember and she smiles at him with that all-too-familiar lovingly when he opens the door. He’s in his pjs and she laughs at the way he tries to smooth out his hair. “I heard someone’s graduating in a couple weeks.” She says and  _ jesus fucking christ _ , her voice is so soothing.

She promised and she went through with it. She invites him out on the weekends leading up to graduation. Taeil feels like he’s back in freshman year with her, he feels innocent and small. He feels like his heart's going to implode whenever she so much as glances his way with a smile gracing her face. He graduates, one number away from being in the top 25 students of the class and Yuta is valedictorian, Dongyoung miraculously the salutatorian. “Party at Johnny’s!” Someone yells when everyone’s filed out of the stadium. Yuta smiles at them, “Wanna go?” 

Joohyun shrugs, “I’m free.” 

Except, this is bad idea. Joohyun gets drunk off the beer someone had managed to sneak in. Taeil feels his bubble burst, this isn’t the Joohyun he knows. He feels stupid to assume that she wouldn’t drink but she does, and that ruins the dreamy atmosphere he’s always associated with her. He’s stupid for that he think, now. She’s human, she’s allowed. She’s loose and commands the room more, enchanting, everyone seems to swoon more. Half way through the night, Taeil finds himself on Johnny’s bed with Joohyun over him and he feels distracted, out of body. She kisses him, hot mouth against his as he tries to recuperate, he really tries and she moans. His stomach curls, drops and when she slips a hand past his jeans, he grabs her wrist. “We shouldn’t.” He mumbles, fear striking up in him as though it’s his first time all over again— except Wendy was calmer, gentler than this.

She looks him in the eyes, sitting up and she shifts in his lap. She doesn’t talk, doesn’t make to move and when he sits up, she smiles. Taeil holds his breath when she places her hands on his cheeks, his eyes fluttering shut and his breath short, almost in a panicky way. This  _ is _ what he wanted as a freshman, to be with her but he  _ can’t _ . His mind can’t even fathom it anymore to the point that he feels distant when it happens. He feels absolutely sick and Joohyun kisses him again, soft, slow as she rubs herself against his thigh and he feels his heart break with a sounding crack. He realizes then that he never loved her, he had stupidly mistaken adoration for love. He looked up to Joohyun, she was gentle, kind and caring and spoke with confidence. She was everything Taeil wanted to be. He didn’t love her because he knows what love feels like; Love felt like sharing a smoothie with Wendy down at the corner Checkers before walking down to the park to just talk. Love was the way Wendy looks at him and the way he looks at her whenever they’d say bye, like they never wanted to say bye again. Love was the way Wendy would hold Taeil, both spent and tired but he would press his ear above her heartbeat and fall asleep like that, warm and fuzzy inside.

Joohyun pulls away, panting but when she opens her mouth to speak, she can’t. Her body tenses, mouth snapping shut and then pukes in his lap. Taeil grimaces, patting her back as she empties out stomach in his lap. Dongyoung and Sejeong burst through the door, mouths slated together when Joohyun hiccups loudly. 

Sejeong jumps back, elbowing Dongyoung’s ribs as she pushes him away and when she sees what’s happening, Taeil can feel the sympathy coming from her. There’s a slight panic in either of their eyes, probably because Taeil has seen them together but Taeil could care less now. Taeil feels like shit now. “Help me.” Taeil whispers and Dongyoung nods, “I’ll get Johnny.” 

Johnny had smartly made himself the “ _ sober sister _ ” for the night. He comes into his room, assessing the problem and he cleans Joohyun up as diligently as she can with her clinging to Taeil. He whisks her away to the bath and calls Seulgi for help, Dongyoung freaks out when he looks back at Taeil. Taeil breaths slowly, staring blankly at the photo frames Johnny has up and waits for his return. His heart hurts, the back of his eyes burn as tears threaten to fall but he remains still. He barely notices when Johnny comes back to clean him. He leaves with Johnny’s too big sweatpants on and a sweater, his mind in scrambles, his clothes in a plastic bag from the farmer’s market and Joohyun knocked out on Seulgi’s lap in the backseat of Johnny’s patriot. “What happened?” 

Taeil sighs, glancing at Johnny before Johnny pulls into the que for the drive thru at Taco Bell ( _ Taeil’s request _ ). “She wanted to…” He grimaces, vomit lodging itself in the base of his throat. “I said we shouldn’t and then she puked.” 

Johnny doesn’t press him for answers, gets their food and drives Joohyun home to her mom. Her mom looks worried when Taeil knocks on her door. She thanks them for helping her, gives Seulgi a big hug and Johnny gets a pat on the cheek. They go back to Seulgi’s and eat in silence before Johnny says he was a party to go back to. Seulgi doesn’t say much to Taeil, just pulls out the futon and her mom comes out to offer Taeil more pillows. He lays there in Seulgi’s living room that night, the sounds of sirens passing and a couple of people talking outside as he thinks to himself. He feels like utter shit but that might be the Taco Bell talking. 

Taeil gnaws at his bottom lip, hopes Joohyun’s okay and then he thinks about Wendy. He thinks about Kun. He thinks about the promises of coming back that have been made and he wishes they were true. He’s always know they weren’t, that they were said to be courteous, a formality. Yet, he still can’t help but let himself think about what would’ve happened if they came back like Joohyun had. Would things be better than this? 

Taeil clears his throat, eyes watering and his breath comes out shaky. He supposed he could cry this once.

He cries himself to sleep that night. He wakes up feeling heavy and light at the same time and hugs Seulgi for a couple minutes longer before he leaves. He decides maybe a summer away from this town could be nice. 

He spends the first two weeks after graduation apartment hunting with Johnny. Johnny tells him they have a open shift manager spot open at his job, Taeil asks if it’ll be opened when he comes back and Johnny tells him there’s a chance but not to worry. Taeil likes that. Not having to worry. Even if it’s just or a fraction of a second. 

The end of May comes fast. He moves into his apartment with Johnny, helps make it homey and theirs. Taeil likes how big it is without being too big because it also feels small. It’s minimal and Johnny keeps hitting the threshold into their kitchen before Taeil hangs a hedgehog post-it on a string, getting a laugh from their friends when they come over to send off Taeil for the summer.

“Try not to die.” Johnny jokes and Taeil shrugs, “I can’t make that promise.”

-

By Sunday the next week, Taeil’s done it all in Augusta.

By everything, he means driving with his aunt down to the only mall in town and then going to the theater, maybe going to the park down the street in his aunt’s neighborhood and that’s it. His aunt’s week off is over and she leaves him to his own devices. There’s no bus system for him to use to get around ( _ not that he needs it when he can drive around _ ) and that makes him feel like he’s ultimately trapped. Like he’s tethered to his aunt’s house, limited to her lousy wifi and her cul de sac. 

The first Monday by himself, he spends a good chunk of the day texting Dongyoung. Dongyoung doesn’t ever work on Mondays and he responds fast, has a lot to say ( _ especially about Sejeong _ ). 

Dongyoung keeps Taeil busy, although, he tries not to pry on his relationship with Sejeong. Dongyoung is living in a routine and Taeil wishes now, as boring as that may seem, that he had a routine. 

 

 

 

 

velma  
  
sounds boring up there (´･_･`)  
  
maybe you should just come back, you know we’re always waiting for you (ㅅ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)  
  
it is  
  
but you know i need this trip  
  



End file.
